I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
