I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
