Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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