You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
