i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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