we're chasing vodka with high fives
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We talked him into tasing himself.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
