No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
