He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
