Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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