i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
