As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
