sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
