my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
only you would photoshop your dick
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
