He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
