everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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