i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
