worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
