I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dicks are not precious.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
