I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
