as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
