just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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