I'm going to rape someone's good day.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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