too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
