you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
