i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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