too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
is that a dick in a sweater?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
