So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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