I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
