Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
