Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
