I haven't been this sober since birth.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
