I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude i'm inner monologue high
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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