then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
