ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
