the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
