I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
