FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
