You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
