the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
