If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
