My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
