I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize