Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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