at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
