yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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