Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize