Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
