ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
