wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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