the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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