Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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