Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
