Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The struggles of a small town man whore
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
