She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
