While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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