My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
