he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
