Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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