Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize