Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
