There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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