Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
