Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
