Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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