Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well I just put wine in my tea
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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