Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
