It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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