Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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