so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
