I don't remember. Are we still dating?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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