she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
