i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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