I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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