why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
then he tried to convert me to islam
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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