i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
