im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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