i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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