So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
