i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She needs sedatives and a leash
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize