I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
